So, I cheated.

The Whole30 police are likely hot on my trail even as we speak.  I highly recommend putting as much distance between us as possible, for your own safety if nothing else.

How did I cheat?  Glad you asked.  I weighed myself.

*gasp*

I know!  I know.  I’m not supposed to.  The journey isn’t about the number on the scale and something about fat and overall health and something about just letting go of the number.  Yeah, I stopped listening, too.

But gosh darn it, I weigh exactly the same.  Even on the high side of the same.  There may have been some foot stomping and scale kicking that ensued after coming to this knowledge.  Maybe.  I can neither confirm nor deny, and it’s my constitutional right to not, like, testify against myself or something.

Okay, so it’s not going exactly as I pictured it.  But ever a woman of action, let me think about my next steps for a minute.

1. I think I’m not getting enough sleep.  On average, I’m probably netting out about 6.5 hours a night.  But that’s more than many people get, and my energy levels are actually good (until I hit 9pm, after which I am completely useless to anyone until I sleep).   And while this may be one of the problems, it’s not really one I can very easily or quickly fix.  Trust me — I’d already be doing it if there was a way to feasibly prioritize this.

Moving on.

2. I think I’m eating too much sugar still.  Or too many grams (grams?) of sugar. It’s all embedded in the fruits I’m eating, but I LOVE fruit.  It’s so delicious and so enticingly simple to eat fruit.  There’s no cooking or clean up, and it’s visually appealing as well.  When the world is a mind-numbingly shade of gray out my window, my counter is a cacophony of bright fruit colors:  a big bowl of red apples, two bunches of bright yellow bananas, green and purple grapes, a bag of clementine oranges, strawberries.  I just walk in my kitchen and am naturally drawn to that corner.  Oh fruit, why do you have to tempt me so?    I think – based on a little Googling of sugar content — the apples and strawberries can stay, but the grapes and bananas will have to go.  I’m still on the fence about the oranges because I don’t really abuse the oranges.  The pesky peel slows me down.

(for anyone concerned, “have to go” means I won’t buy them anymore.  DON’T WORRY — I’m not about to let the ones sitting there go to waste. That would be insanity.)

A possible substitution for the morning banana may be butternut squash (I just typed butterbut a second ago – ha.  Typos are funny.)  I get up pretty early these days and am usually hungry when I wake up, so I’ve basically turned into a Hobbit that needs “second breakfast.”  A banana is my first breakfast, followed by eggs and veggies at second breakfast.  Replacing the banana with squash may give me the same satisfying “full, warm tummy” feeling of a banana and save me about 20 grams of sugar.  It’s worth a try.

I will have to think about my grape substitution a little bit.  In fact, the grapes WERE a substitution for almonds.  There are times when I’m deep in thought and need to roam around as I’m pondering something, and I wander into the kitchen.  While my mind is tied up,  my body starts reaching for snacks while I’m not looking.  Some days I’d eat 20 or so almonds throughout the course of the day, which is a little excessive.  But given the choice between a brown almond somewhere in the pantry and the green plump grape on the counter, I’ll go for the grape.  In that regard, it was a success.  But now it’s killing my sugar count.   I’m open to suggestions here, but if you tell me a) not to wander into the kitchen at all or b) to curb my need to snack completely, I will be forced to ignore you.   I read something once that said “my cookbook says I can substitute an egg with two egg whites.  My cookbook doesn’t understand my problem.”  Don’t be a cookbook.

3. I think I may have hit diminishing returns on my running.  I’m doing about 100 miles a month and have been at that level for a few months now.  The shock may have worn off, and I may need to start throwing in some weight lifting either instead of (or in addition to) the running.  In addition to, I think.  I get more than physical rewards from running — there’s a mental clarity element that I don’t want to give up.

A little recalibration on one or two of these things may be enough to start shifting the results of this effort in my favor.   And as frustrating as the lack of results is, it is definitely not demotivating me.  Rather, I will make it fuel the coming week and its renewed attempt at progress.

Onward.  Upward.  Carpe the hell out of this diam.